Thanks for this reply. I was thinking all day about the difficult position of having early childhood sexual experiences and then be told they were a fast track to Hell. At that point, what can you do? Except suffer. I think this becomes more sexual abuse—theological sex abuse.
I am very interested in the texts you used, essentially, to re-orient yourself. Baudelaire, Emerson (if in a sort of kooky translation from Bly- who I keep meaning to write about. I met him once.)- Perhaps we all form a personal scripture of texts that lift us into a higher realm of contemplation. The text we choose essentially re-parent us.