Agape doesn’t fit the definitions they give you in church. It’s often very sexual, not unselfish, etc etc.
What does agape mean? It means family love. When Jesus asks Peter if he ‘loves’ him, Jesus is asking if they are family. This violates Peter’s sense of what family is — which includes his wife, but not Jesus.
But to address your earlier problem… it’s a terrible idea to think that you can determine from a rapid reading of life’s events what is “bad” or “good”—then say that’s God’s thinking.
That’s the opposite of God’s thinking!
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Gen 50:20
God works through all events, often especially the “bad” ones.